My Why

Why? Why do we do the things that we do everyday? We all have different things that motivate us to make our day to day decisions... & When you are on a journey of weightloss & exercise, sometimes it's really hard to remember why we got started, & why we are putting ourselves through such "torture" day after day.  For me, I have quite a few why's. I figure I should document them, so that in a few months when I really don't want to keep going, I will have something to reference of Why I need to. 

My most important why is definitely my health. Although, I should go into more detail than that... My health reasons might be completely different from yours, but I'm hoping to connect with those of my friends & family that I know struggle with the same condition I do. When I was in my teens, my menstrual cycle wasn't as normal as it should be, & I had all the systems of Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrom. I carry most of my weight in my midsection (most dangerous place to have extra weight), I am testosterone sensitive (Especially when it comes to facial hair... Me & Dan could probably have a legit competition) & my body doesn't know how to regulate the insulin my body needs to break down the sugars I consume.  These are day to day symptoms that I have to deal with, & are no fun at all... but my concern is when the time comes to try having children, it's probably not going to be easy. PCOS can affect your ability to conceive, & can raise other issues while you are pregnant, including gestational diabetes.    

I'm not at a place in my life where I am trying to have children... but it's definitely creeping up on me. & I am scared to death of the heartache that fertility treatments can bring, as well as the cost that those treatments & adoption can have. I will have an adopted child, it's always been a life long dream, but I would love nothing more than to be able to have a child that has mine & Dan's genes. & even though it's years out... my body is not going to change overnight, & getting my body to regulate all the hormones that are so out of whack, is going to take years. I have been to the doctors, & have tried out many different insulin pills, or birth controls to try & help me regulate my body... & I've hated them all! I'm not good at taking pills, & the hormones make me feel like a crazy person! But when I was doing crossfit before, my body was more regular than it had ever been... ALL ON ITS OWN. Not to mention, I was losing my belly fat, not craving sweets as often, & I had to shave my face noticeably less! Which greatly improved my day to day attitude about my body, & made me feel more confident & comfortable in my own skin... & I've heard when it comes time to conceive, that is obviously very important! 

So that is my #1 why. I want to be able to conceive & carry healthy, beautiful babies with the body that I was given. It has it's issues, but I can take a lot of responsibility & action, & change the cards that I was dealt. A lot of the diseases & conditions our bodies are diagnosed with now a days, can be solved by our day to day decisions. If we are willing to take the responsibility, & change those decisions, we can save ourselves a lot of heartache & potential medical bills in the future! 

Now, I definitely have other why's. There was a reason I was crying when posting my before photos... I would love for my body to reflect the life & energy I feel inside & right now, it doesn't. I would love to be able to fit into that green dress I was wearing in my favorite picture of Dan & I. I would LOVE to have more of a variety when it comes to choosing a wedding dress, rather than having size be a deciding factor. I would love to be able to actually walk back up sledding hills, & hike to the summit of Timpanogas Mountain this summer.  I want to live to an old age, because it is a privilege denied to many. 

ally